Friday, March 26, 2010
Let's Talk about Sex ...Maybe?
It is happening in fits in starts in our house. Not the sex...but the talking about sex. Our oldest, Big Sprout, will be turning ten in May, and he is wise to the ways of the sensual world. Our conversations with him (now let's be fair...they are really MY conversations with him) have been happening since about this time last year. He doesn't want to talk about it every night, but when there is something that relates to that topic that he wants to clarify, he usually pulls me aside and says, "Hey mom, I need to talk to you before I go to bed."
The initial talks included correcting the misinformation from classmates and friends, clearly explaining the mechanics and answering the questions. Always followed with a reminder, "Now you know...sex is for making babies, and you really don't want to be making babies until you are grown and married." Talk over.
One of my favorite questions happened post-warning.
"Okay mom, I know. I do have one more question though," he looked confused. "I understand how this whole thing works, but there is one thing that I just don't get."
"What is it, hon?" I said, bracing myself to supply more detail.
"What do the boobs have to do with it? I know they have something to do with all of it, but I just don't see what they have to do with making babies."
Great question, I thought. What in the world do the boobs have to do with it? I stammered for a second explaining the functionality of the breasts post-baby, and he interrupted me and reiterated.
"No...I know that, I am talking about during the....you know...during the...making of the baby."
"Well, as far as the use while...um...making the baby. Well, um...." and then it came to me, "I know how I can explain this. Remember when we were at the zoo (totally the reason I take my kids to the zoo!) and we saw that male peacock?"
"Yeah, I remember," looking even more confused. He was trying to connect the boobs to peacocks and then to sex and I was sure I was the best mom ever.
"Remember what I told you about his REALLY colorful feathers. What did he use them for?"
He sat for a second, and then the light of understanding came clearly to his eyes. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. "He used the feathers to attract the female."
"Yes," I nodded with the now-you-see-the-connection-right-buddy nod. "Well, I guess you could say that women use their boobs the same way."
"Oh! I get it now." And then the slightly embarrassed giggle followed. I can only imagine the misinformation he shared with his classmates after that one!
No, I'm just kidding. I honestly don't think he talks about it too much with his friends, but if he did share any feathery details after that conversation, those kids have grown by nearly a year by now, and any confusion they still have about sex is completely not my fault.
I do have another challenge on my hands, however. Last night, while watching NCAA basketball, one of those commercials came on with the disclaimer that if you have your erection for more than four hours go to an emergency room. I love how they reach their target audience. Anyway, Big Sprout scooted over close to me on the couch, and because his sisters were sharing the recliner they couldn't hear him ask,
"But mom, the people are so old?" I hadn't really been watching the commercial, so I had to glance up to see what he was talking about. He continued, "they would be dead by the time their kid was in college," he calculated.
I laughed. My teaching had reached my pupil. Now I had to correct the information that I had supplied.
"Oh. It doesn't matter if they're old," I laughed with him. "And I am definitely going to write a blog about this...is that okay?" thinking as I said that, that maybe he could read my explanation.
So here is my explanation:
People are interested in sex their entire lives. They think about it and learn about it well before they should be doing it, and after the baby-making phase has come and gone, well, they still do it. It is an expression of love and should always be done in love. So I stick by my original instruction, " "Now you know...sex is for making babies, and you really don't want to be making babies until you are grown and married. And then, I want to add, when you are grown and married and you are done making babies...then you are simply making love."
This post has been approved by Big sprout.